3 February 2017


Some days I find myself wondering who I am as a person. Being a wallflower isn't a bad thing, in fact it just means that you don't conform to nor follow the waves that society has laid out for us. Your independent in your mind, maybe a lil weird and awkward like me at times, but overall, you are a unique piece amongst a sea of copies.

I haven't the best life, but most definitely not the worst. So many things are happening around us everyday. I often catch myself wondering 'am I even apart of this human race?' my mind gets so baffled by what's continuously happening in the world. I sometimes want to deny that I'm a part of the human race. great time to become an alien right but I don't want to loose hope in humanity and so I disregard that thought and try to live everyday a little better, counting my mistakes as lessons learned and making sure that I contribute to the world rather than make it even more filthy than it already is.

Last year, I could say was the time I felt the true meaning of being a 'wallflower'. My definition of it is that your an outcast, beautiful and growing, but an outcast nonetheless. That's what I was. Trapped within my own mind due to my depression and constant suicidal thoughts, I didn't want to exist on this planet. I decided one day after graduating whoop however, that I owed it to myself to continue fighting. I hadn't gone through years of persevering through issues, to give up now! nope, not me. So I booked a flight to New York in hope of gaining perspective and that's exactly what I did. NY made me feel alive again. It may have taken me an hour or so every morning to even get the energy to get ready and step outside, but I did it and I met new people, saw art, music, experienced so many things, mentally and physically. I was alive and it made me want to return back to my creative roots and continue fighting every day. i have NY posts coming, no worries, it just takes an age to go through all those pictures i took....

Fast forwarding to today, I'm still battling everyday, but things like this blog, my SFX projects, art and poetry help me take my mind of of the bad things. I love being a wallflower. I enjoy being different. Honestly, my own company has always been the best thing in the world to me, not to be self-centred but I like silence, is what I'm basically saying. So being a wallflower ain't all that bad, and I have recently said YES more instead of no this year. I mean, I did say that was one of my things to do in my 10 Things Learnt In 2016 post. So far, I haven't regretted a single yes. I only wish I'd done it more often and embraced being a wallflower, rather than repelling it and thinking I'm a loner nobody. Now that I embrace the traits I have, it's actually attracted more people and opportunities into my life.

I want to live and live well. To be successful to me, is to be truly happy within every area of your life. Who cares about money if your mind is drowning. Be free and embrace all the little twerks that make you, you. I for one am glad I don't fit in with the 'status quo' who else just started singing that song from high school musical, i know i just did hehe it's going to be stuck in my mind now urgh, it's made me work harder and appreciate the smaller things even more than I already did. I value the qualities that makes an individual different; they are just more interesting that way.

So, overall, all I'm trying to say not sure if i've failed at it yet, is that the perks of being a wallflower is that you get to learn things about yourself much quicker than you would if you were trying to be like everybody else. As a wallflower, your eyes see more and you feel more, not sure if that's a great thing or bad thing; it all depends on your perspective. You have more choices of what you can do because your not in a 'box' your a wild and free wallflower that has your own path.

tell me, are you a wallflower? or do you have another understanding of the word and like to share? please do

love, Renae x



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