1 January 2017




Everyday theres a new trend or something that the world has decided is popular and cool. Everyday we are surrounded by societies need to monetise and make real issues a fashion trend. I'm sort of tired of everyone following the same wave and trying to be the same; wheres the individuality and uniqueness that we were all born with. I for one aimed to just be me in 2016 and not do something just because. But to take a step back and recognise myself in the mirror as being a part of this world but apart from it to be my own self at the same time.


Those who went to university must understand this concept of freedom. Now 2016 was my graduation year and as soon as I left my house and moved back in with my parents, I felt trapped and sad to have left all my freedom behind. It reinforced my objective that I set myself ages ago, to save up and move out, because I suddenly realised I no longer had the same freedom I did whilst studying. I also found freedom in my mind, body and within my creativity. I stopped telling myself no and let my emotions ride through poetry. It was the best thing I could of done for myself and my mind.


A lot of change has happened this year. I have lost my closest friend due to her influence by another, family life became shaken, a lot has gone down in 2016 and I must say it was the worst year of my life to date. I am happy for the downside though, because those incidents allowed changes in my life to happen and I was able to experience new things that I wouldn't of done otherwise. I was able to live more and breath more and meet new people; I went to New York for a month and travelled to Wales for a film, I graduated with lovely friends whom I hadn't spoken to for a while, I began writing and blogging more, taking polaroids and started protecting myself. Though I have a long way to go to recovery from my wounds (which would honestly take me a week to type up) I can see those changes have allowed me to be shaped for the future.


Challenges always come, but the ones that you go out and intentionally make are the best in my eyes. I took so many risks in 2016, not enough actually, but a lot compared to 2015 and I gained the rewards of it. You don't need to challenge yourself to do massive projects, but even the small ones can help mould you to who you truly are inside. Something as little as saying, tonight, I'm going to cook myself a healthy meal; or, I'm going to drink water for a week, or, I'm going to aim to do a sketch a week and a poem a day, or, I will actively meet one new person today; or even, I will make an effort to msg or talk to those I have lost contact with. Little things like this boosted my confidence in 2016 though I am no where near as confident as I was in 2015 before life went to shit, but I'm on the road to greatness because I do now challenge myself. Sometimes me making myself do a full face routine and a face mask in the morning is a challenge but when I complete it I'm grateful to myself.


As I mentioned about change, I lost a dear friend in the beginning of the year. I unfortunately have the worst luck when it comes to people. They seem to take my kindness for granted and get offended by the fact that I can be very quiet and silent. This one person was almost like a sister and she turned her back on me when I needed her the most. I can't even begin to touch on all the things that happened. Now it took me a few moths to understand why I always get treated like crap by girls and I decided to forgive her and not let this ruin me more mentally. I continued my life without her and began to let go; from that I met new people, went out and lived life, I was free and no longer allowed myself to be judged. It did however make me build a wall which I'm still breaking down, but letting go allowed me to see her for who she is, forgive and allow myself to remember the best parts of the friendship and not linger on what had happened at the end of it. Letting go of waste, bad friendships, just anything bad for you in general is a must and I for one will continue this practice in 2017.


I have been afraid of so many things and 2016 is where it all began. But around the time of my graduation in June I began to breath. And by breath I mean take in life and taking a second to register moments before moving onto the next thing. Not begin scared to do what I want to do but to breath and take a chance, trust and go to the place I've always wanted to visit, speak when spoken to by a new person and just breath. When shit happens, you need to breath or else you'l' suffocate and never be able to re-build.


2016 was the year of polaroid taking and snapping moments. I was so near death so many times last year that I thought I ought to buy a polaroid camera and take pictures of significant moments in life. Maybe I'll show a couple of them to you guys one day,  but I started to grow love for instant photography. I have always loved photography, It's one of my many many hobbies, but never pursued it unfortunately. But, buying an instant camera has been one of the best decisions for me during 2016. I can now look back at that moment in time unfiltered, unedited, untouched. It's so much more real rather than a digital photo and I urge everyone to start taking snaps of real life, just because, and keep it for future memories.


Travelling is and always will be a love of mine. I have been many places, but not enough and I always challenge myself to go a new place every year since I began earning my own wages. In 2016, I went to New York and Snowdonia, this year, my top three places to visit is, Canada, Berlin and Cuba. I must see at least one. Travelling allows you to learn new cultures and history; to be enriched with knowledge from another place in another time world, I absolutely love travelling. I feel so alive when I do it and I'm not afraid to do it alone. Especially as alone, your more often to make new acquaintances or friends if your lucky. Don't wait for other people to see the places you want to see and experience, take yourself up and go. You won't regret it.


You must think I'm a pro at this now, but my main help in 2016 was to turn my bad emotions and feelings into a work of art. Instead of sitting in my room sad and alone, I would type, type anything, mostly poems and now I have a collection of poetry which I aim to continue on adding to, print and bound one day. I started writing a fantasy novel also. Reading used to be my safe haven, but my mind would too easily wonder off to what was hurting me inside, so I decided to write instead. (I still treasure a good read, I legit have a little library in my room) but writing helps to calm me down and I find once I am done typing; my mind is at ease and I can take a breath and move forward. Writing has been my saviour in 2016 and most assuredly will continue being so this year. Find what allows you to ground yourself during dark times and use it to make a negative into a positive.


Last, but by no means least, control. Control over my life, my mind, my body. Control is such an important thing for you to handle because without it, you risk becoming someone you won't recognise when looking in the mirror. I have controlled the amount of rubbish I watch and listen to and the amount of waste I allow into my life. I began controlling how I perceive the world and my mindset. I began opening my eyes to new things and recognising good from bad. Control allows you to become intelligent in everyday life, control can save you from many things, but you must also learn how to balance that control. This is something we will all be working on until we die but that doest mean you won't reap the rewards from starting today. I'm learning everyday to control my emotions, imagination, perception on the world and individuals, control over numerous things in life, but by learning, I'm growing.

Chocolate is in order if you got to the end of my list of things I have learnt in 2016. I didn't intend for it to be this long, but sometimes all you need to do is just type and let the words flow. I have learnt many things in the past year, but these are my top 10 life saviours and I am looking forward to what will happen in the future. 2017 isn't certain, but I know for sure I'm open to anything, which in return allows opportunities to come my way.

Hope you all had a safe new year and all the best for the months to come.

love, Renae x



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